The real weapon of mass destruction!!!

India and Pakistan have been at each others throat for a long time now. We ve been going into war for a long time now, mostly unofficial and sometimes official. Since both countries are bound by international laws to obliterate the other country, the Indian strategic think tank is working overtime to somehow get even with Pakistan.

As the popular saying goes,"When every major invention is made, eureka is not the first word. It is usually,"Thatz funny"". This is the perfect example for the above quote. The think-tank, after a hard day's work of thinking, gathered at the the cafeteria to have their traditional samosa and tea. One of the analyst in that team had a very bad stomach and farted pretty badly, but it turned out to be the silent killer type of fart which only pollutes the air without any noise pollution. This effect was observed by our think tank and a new idea was born.

After making a lot of risk, quality and effect analysis, the think tank finally came to a conclusion that they would send highly trained mercenaries to infiltrate every possible rank in the Pakistan army. The purpose- To fart and puke in the enemy camp so badly that they can never think straight. Yes, some of you might say this is Biological warfare, but there is no rule against farting!!!!!

After several months of grinding training, these elite and top secret mercenaries had to be tested out. Instead of trying them out on Pakistan, this secret group was loaned to the Srilankan government to fart the tigers out of hiding. The results were astounding. Many of the tigers screamed for mercy and a lot of them surrendered. Prabhakaran had no clue as to what hit him and recent news is that he is into seclusion and is planning to convert himself and the rest of the tigers to Zoroastrianism. Such was the effect of this great weapon.

The Indian government is currently trying to patent this process of training mercenaries. Also, this training is going to be made compulsory in training along with arms and other survival training.

God save the country who dares to try and rub us the wrong way!!!

DAMN!!!!

Ever come across a situation when you wanted to say something and end up saying that was absolutely non-contextual??? Well, Such things happen to me time and again. When I try to concentrate on what I actually want to say, I forget a lot more than I usually forget and end up with a blank face in front of my boss.

The other day it so happened that my boss wanted to talk to me regarding certain issues and called me to his cabin. Well, these issues were already taken care of and the necessary steps had been taken. So I was pretty confident that I could tackle all his questions and stepped into his cabin with a wide grin. Actually I had prepared for this assault question by question and there was no way I would mess it up. The first question he asked was,"So Sridhar, Had a nice vacation in coimbatore? I miss the place a lot." to which I reply, "The engineers from DATS will be here today at 11 and the installation will be over in a week". Now the boss is completely confused and I am even more confused. I finally gather the courage and ask him," Err, What did you ask, sir?" I was embracing myself for a big lecture on attentiveness from him when all he did was laugh his heart out. The more he laughs, the more I sweat. I try to give a weak smile and on seeing that he bursts out into another laughter spree. I wanted to run out of the office right then. I actually stood up and I wanted to say," Sir,Could you excuse me for a moment? I need to use the rest room" and wound up saying," I need to use the server room. Can you excuse me?" That sealed it. He actually made me sit there for 10 minutes and made me see him laugh his intestines out. He offered me some water which I gladly drank and somehow managed to get through the whole meeting without further embarrassment.

By the time I got out of his cabin, the entire staff was waiting for me outside. They had expected the boss to thrash me but when they heard laughter from the cabin, they had all gathered around and listened to the entire episode. Never in my life had I blushed like that before. It was one of those days where I was really at loss of words and one of those which I would never repeat.

Today when I think about that meeting, my face automatically lights up. Guess in today's high pressure environment, such episodes(though not as outlandish as this) provide that rare genuine laughter that not a lot of other events provide.

Blogging Again.... The Formal Announcement!!!!

It is that time of the year when I again take a firm decision to start blogging again. This is my endeavor to begin something that I have already begun twice. Just to ensure that I do keep blogging again, I request the readers to feel free to kick me when they find out that I have stopped blogging.

Many people would actually start asking questions as to why I am starting something that I have already started. That is exactly why I am writing this blog. It is just that all on a sudden I seem to have plenty of time in my life and my office life totally sucks. Yes, I have started blogging just to keep myself entertained and occupied. And that is the truth. Plain and Simple.

Now for what my blogs would contain. It is basically what I think and feel most of the time. Sometimes it will contain an absolutely nonsensical story (New-comers read the previous blog) with totally illogical conclusions. Sometimes what I write here may hurt certain sentiments of people in general, please forgive me if it does, as my intention is not to hurt your feelings/beliefs. It would also contain rubbish concepts and interpretations for just about everything. I do expect quite a few people to get into a heated discussion regarding the credibility of my theories and for those people," I know you guys are right, but this is my perception and you cant change it".


So, that is just about it. I have formally announced that I am blogging now and please keep your comments coming. I really appreciate it!!!!

Cheers,

Sridhar Panaman

EVOLUTION: THE TRUTH!!!

I ve heard a lot of people say that the human body is a well oiled machine. A lot of money is being spent for research on Artificial Intelligence. Oh, I spend money on AI too!!!!!(Got an Arrear!!! He he!!!). Actually that is the reason for my first blog. I started wondering if it is really possible for any machine ( the human body in this case) is capable of functioning with such accuracy and efficiency. Then I was enlightened. I found out the truth about the evolution of man and I am writing this to enlighten the poor souls reading this blog!!!!

Now, let us consider that God(s) is/are not God(s) but scientists involved in a HUGE experiment…… and the subjects… well…. Us human beings!!!! With this assumption in hand I tried to build the whole evolution theory and funnily, everything started to fall in place (at least it satisfied me!!!). This bunch of scientist(s) include a biologist, ecologist, bio-mechanic engineer, a software engineer, an architect and many more!!!!

These scientists are people who knowledge and the power of innumerable scientific breakthrough in the field of biotechnology, computing and engineering. Now, they decide to conduct a large scale experiment on evolution. What could be a better way to study evolution than seeing it live???? So they decide to study evolution as it evolves. Next question is the obvious how. After a lot of analysis they decide to create a solar system with life in 2 planets. One is the original study and the second planet for contingency purposes. The other planets are used to stabilize the climate for these 2 planets. OK. The real work begins and the architect has the job to create the planet. He does a beautiful job and since he has a lot of time to work on the contingency, he created a masterpiece. He called it MARS!!!!!! Now, the biologist and the ecologist put their heads together and create a stable environment for life. This biologist and ecologist are not the thickest of friends…. They try to outdo the other and it results in sabotage!!!!!!!!

That apart, now the bio-mechanic engineer, the software engineer team up and create the life form to study!!!!! Everyone knows that life starts from a single cell…… they use the “amoeba” to create the necessary subject. With amoeba as the source of life and some other single-celled organisms to support it, these great minds started their work on one of the greatest achievement of all time…… THE HUMAN BODY!!!!!!!! They, after a lot of dedication finally came up with a rough draft of the human body.

But everything is not going smoothly. Their sponsors grew restless and finally pulled the plug on their experiment and they were forced to move ahead with the rough draft and inserted it into their constructed eco-system. DISASTER STRIKES!!!!!!!!!! The sabotage done by the ecologist and the biologist make the entire eco-system collapse. The two people meet and patch up. They confess their mistakes to the others and they start work afresh. The tastily constructed contingency planet is brought out and they decide to work on it…. Oh…I forgot…. They named it EARTH!!!!

This time the ecologist and biologist really did a very good job and did a wonderful job of creating the eco-system there and they are really appreciated by the fellow scientists.

It is really costly to create another HUMAN model and everyone is really upset about their lack of funding. Trust a computer engineer to come up with a new logic. He said, “Listen guys, I know it is very difficult to engineer a human and I think I have a way to solve our problems. Let us modify the amoeba and create a new single cellular organism. This organism can be programmed to multiply and evolve into a multi-cellular organism. With your help I can very well make it evolve into a human. I know it is a lot of work, but this is the best thing that can be done and it is cost effective too.!!!!!” The other scientists are really impressed with this idea and start with this idea. The ecologist was asked to recruit a meteorologist and a geologist. Then they started to design time and other factors. They decided that a day shall have only 24 hours unlike their own 24000 hours and every hour shall have exactly 60 minutes and not 60000 minutes and obviously a minute has only 60 seconds and not 60000 seconds. This time would give them ample time to study the subject. The geologist, biologist and the architect together worked out a way to ensure that their eco-system evolves with the evolution of their subject ( in case u folks have forgotten what the subject is… here is the reminder…. Itz HUMANS)

By this time the bio-mechanic engineer had designed a cell which would evolve in to HUMAN and the software engineer has already loaded the programs into the cell.

Since the constructed habitat cannot be left unattended, a few dinosaurs were created. Unfortunately, they multiplied so fast that they had to make a meteor and made it collide with earth. Now that all the dinosaurs are piece-fully dead, they carefully inserted the cell into earth. After careful observation of their experiment for a few days SST (Scientist Standard Time) they finally declared the whole experiment to be a grand success.

But every program has a glitch in it and our programmer’s software too had a glitch. He couldn’t control the specimen’s rate of reproduction and they reproduced exponentially. He said that it is a bug that would remove itself from the software…. And that was the end of that issue (for them atleast!!!!)

By now many million years have been passed and their subjects have evolved to sustain themselves in their habitat. And one of those specimen is now trying to enlighten the other specimen by telling them what exactly happened. Little does NASA know that MARS is only a failed experiment and there is no point in sending probes into mars because all that remains there are remnants of the failed experiment.

The truth on why god came to earth will be revealed in the next blog as you people should get a breather after coming face to face with the reality!!!!!!